Hey yall! I told you to be on the lookout for Part 2. So this week, I had to recruit some of my seasoned Mama’s to share their serious ‘mom fears’. I look at the relationship I have now with my mom and the way she remains apart of my siblings and my life. I realise that even though we have our own lives and families now, she is still mommy! Her role takes a different form than it did when we were much younger, but she still operates as how mommies do! Calling, checking in, advising, reminding and you know the rest!
I momentarily pictured my two littles all grown up, and it hit me that I have a whole different set of fears when it comes to Sarai and Hannah maturing and becoming young ladies. From making the right choices, peer pressure, following the crowd, getting caught up in toxic relationships, boyfriends, crushes …….. and then I had to switch the channel, because it was too much! So today I posed the question to some of the seasoned mama’s I know. The stories you are about to read are from mom’s who are now parenting adult children and have been for a few years now.
What are your greatest fears as a mom with adult children?
Kendra Parker, Mom of Kadrica, 31 & Juhnee, 19
Sitting here thinking of all my fears as a mother, not just a mother, but a single mother bringing up two girl children now all grown, I am grateful. Dealing with the fears of adolescence was not easy. The fear of losing my girls to abuse and mental stress, the fear of being introduced to drug and alcohol by peers, the fear or losing them from my life… I thought of the days as a child and placed myself as my parents and how they dealt with my siblings and I. I begin to look at life differently and acknowledge that my angels are loaned to me and my role is to teach them the spiritual morals of life.
After my eldest daughter had left high school we spoke about her dreams and she was cautioned, but encouraged to enjoy and embrace her youth. I shared my story to both daughters of becoming a mother at the tender age of 20. No regrets, but I had lost the opportunity of enjoying my young adult life because I had to be a mother. I dedicated my time to my daughters. We ate, prayed and generally travelled together. It was important to me that I point out to them the quality of life and to encourage them to not allow themselves to become a mother too early in life and to get the best they can out of life.
It wasn’t easy, but gradually they were allowed to date once they completed high school and had an interest and I am certain I was a voice at the back of their minds throughout. I often get involve and have conversations with them to get to know how their dates go or any other social gathering they attend. They were both encouraged to be involved in church and youth programs to keep them grounded spiritually. One of my supportive scriptures is ‘Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it, Proverbs 22:6. I am a living testimony of that scripture.
For the most part, I have spent time with God to help me on this journey, to keep them both grounded even when they stray, bring them back to that foundation, where they can collect their thoughts and continue to trust God for more direction for their life path. I am grateful to my parents and that I could refer to their spiritual and positive upbringing. My constant prayer to God includes asking for His wisdom, knowledge and understanding as a young mother. I know I am not perfect , but I am blessed to share my stories with my daughters, an I will always be watching what they do because they have a crazy mother(all in the name of love)!
Michelle, Mom of Makayla,19 & Malik, 26
I believe that as a parent to young adult children in today’s’ society, whether the child is a Christian or not, I still have to approach giving advice from a biblical and world view. You are asking how do I do this? I ask God for his wisdom as I try to balance it and sometimes I get it right. My children know that one of my favourite scriptures is, as Paul instructs Timothy, I try to instruct them like wise “For God had not given us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline” 2 Timothy 1:7. I worry that they may get distracted and become fearful when they do not see their dreams coming to pass.
My experience has taught me that we may make wrong choices when we feel as if God has forgotten us or does not love us and I ask God daily to cover them with His spirit and wisdom so that they do not ever feel like that. I tell them that Satan is always on the look-out to destroy their destiny and they need to be alert in all areas of life- their friends, their spiritual leaders and family influence can help them or at times, take them off their destiny path. This world is full of good as well as evil and I tell them to always look at the good first. I encourage them to do good and seek those things that are pleasing to God, not a religion set-up but what Jesus told his disciples in helping those in need, do good always. I worry, yes I do! My mother instincts are always in the forefront and I have to ask God for his peace. Isaiah 43:5 “ Do not be afraid , for I am with you, I will bring your (my) children from the east and gather you (them)from the west”, is my constant prayer that He will never leave them. I try not to be controlling as I do not know the plan God has for them therefore my only right to declare in their life is that God does have a good plan and that they are speakers for Him, no matter where life’s path leads them.
In summary my instruction to them is that they need to always pray and ask God to show them and keep them alert to what is real in the world. Things are not always what it seems and they need God’s insights to make decisions.
Nadean, Mom of Yours Truly, 31, Nadidja, 28, Donval 26
My biggest fear as a mom to three(3) adult children has always been that their lives would become so busy with careers, new relationships and beginning their own families and that they would no longer need me and the connection would be lost. But quickly enough I realised that throughout their lives a strong bond has been established with each of them and they understand the value and importance of family. My relationship with my children are of love, respect and trust, they know what I expect of them and I believe I know what they expect of me so we will be okay.
It has been such a pleasure to listen to these Mom’s share their experience and to gain such assurance that no matter what season we are currently pushing through on our journey of motherhood, God’s grace will always surround us. The same prayers that kept our littles when they were tots, carry the same power even when they are grown-up adults!
I hope you enjoyed and was encouraged by this series so far.
Special thanks to my lovely mom, Nadean and to Michelle and Kendra who both are like additional moms to me!
Love you long time.
See you in Part 3.
If you missed part 1, you can get all caught up here.